—Richard M. Berlin
For Julianna A. Luntz Van Raan, 1950–1998
A morning call wakes me:
something hard and fibrous in her leg
growing fast and uncontrolled
that can’t be weeded out.
Through my bedroom window
I study winter rye in April
swinging on strong stems.
I wish I could plant Julie’s leg
in a warm tangle of earth,
turn her face toward the sun,
and let her nurse on spring rain
like the dandelions waiting
to fill the meadow with stars.
Reprinted from The Country Doctor Revisited (KSU, 2010) with permission.
Dr. Berlin celebrates Spring and reflects on his wishes for his patient who is dying of cancer. We grow attached to our patients. Their losses can become our losses. Although we need to maintain a certain professional distance so that we can contiue to care for them, we can still feel sad and should make the time and space to feel our own grief.
When you grieved the loss of a patient for whom you cared, did you talk with someone about it? Did you cry? Write a poem or story? Go for a run or a walk? We may be scientists, but we have hearts and we are human.